Work
I’ve been feeling so down lately. Working for moneyis a good thing, but… work is the thing that’s bogging me down. I feel under so much pressure. I hate it that I am not capable. I’m trying my best, but I guess my best isn’t good enough. How I long to be a student again. I’d rather mug to death than to be in this situation.
Getting an income is great. I can get stuff I have never been able to afford before. But at what cost? Monetary cost I can afford it, but if it’s making me feel like this.. I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore. Long hours and working in a demanding environment… I don’t have time for myself anymore. I need to relax – I just wish I could sleep late and wake up late like last time. Perhaps I should have taken a longer break before getting a job, but I know I couldn’t afford to do that. No. Not in mthe current situation I’m in.
I am unsure whether to continue on after my probationary period ends. It seems to me there are no promotional prospects. People who have worked here a year are earning the same amount of basic salary as me. They only earn more because of the incentives they get. Maybe I’m being too demanding myself – not all companies will raise an employee’s salary after a year.
If I quit after my probationary period, then what? I don’t have a job and I can’t supplement my mum’s income. I do not have much expertise in any field whatsoever. In terms of employability, I’m at the bottom of the scale. I’d prefer to work outdoors, but most outdoor work involves hard labour and heavy lifting which I cannot do.
Meh. I know this sounds damned idiotic. People must be going…. “Hey, you have a job! You should be appreciative!”
Thing is.. I don’t know if I can cope. I feel like such a loser. Every morning it’s a battle for me to come to work. I really miss just doing nothing. My one off day per week is too precious to spend it doing nothing. I want to just die – just end it all. That would seem so much better than now, but I’m only being selfish if I do that. Then again, I’m putting others first a lot.
All I wish for is someone to hold close… someone I can just hug. Just a shoulder to cry on. That would be so great.
Maybe you could try getting a job in a office, something that has ranks to rise for. I mean, being a CSO doesn’t seem to have a lot of prospects, but if you get a job in a office, at least you know that long years of working will secure you a higher pay.
Then again, I don’t really know, I’ve never worked.
Maybe you could try finding a company with weekends off? I don’t know what kind of job my dad has, I always thought he was an engineer, but I just found out a couple weeks ago (after thinking like this for 14 years) that he was just a technician, and his pay is like, -edited-? His studies only got to O levels I think. So there has to be a way out somehow.
Also, you could like try finding those wedding planners and be their photographer or something, idk. I mean, I’ve never worked before, and don’t really plan to mug until I die right now despite knowing that I might suffer later on in life.
Still, good luck in finding your way out. There’s always one, though it mighn’t be the best one.
Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to post my dad’s income online…